Anger Management

Anger Management

Given to an obsessive compulsion to read, one ends up with a variety of books that the more discerning might avoid. It also leaves one with half remembered stories and maybe an inkling of what it was all about. All I remember about the book was that it was a whodunit, set in urban America, with a Rabbi trying to solve the murder of a female Rabbi who shares a radio programme with him.

The one extraordinary teaching from this book - read over 20 years ago – is focussing on the essentials. The Rabbi asks an old couple to forgive their daughter(I don’t remember what she had done or even who the murderer was, let alone the motive). They say – what she had done was unforgivable. He then asks them if they would go to their daughters’ funeral. Of course, she is our daughter, pat comes the reply. So, are you waiting for your daughter to die to forgive her? This last sentence has stayed with me since then.

Are we waiting for our dear ones to die before we forgive them? When you are very, very angry with someone, ask yourself the basic question – will you attend the persons’ funeral? Would you expect that person to attend yours? Are you waiting for death to melt the ice? Should you?

In the answer to these questions lies the very basic answer – should you forgive. When someone passes on – there is no way you can communicate any more – you can’t show your love, your caring. You can attain a semblance of peace by atoning in a myriad of different ways, but you cannot communicate your feelings to the person concerned. Don’t wait to express your love. Don’t wait to pour away the hurt and anguish. Live today as if it is the last day of your life – with no time to repent. Every extra day you get is a bonus.

Life is short. Doesn’t matter how many years you live, it is always short for whatever one wants to achieve, to do. Living in peace and harmony is not that difficult. Try it.

Child Abuse

Child Abuse

People have children with many aims in life: providing a safeguard for their old age, for the family name, for love, for duty… the list is endless. Yet, all, in producing them believe that the children are their private and personal property to dispose off in any way they like.

The children are duty bound to love the parents – however manipulative, harsh, tyrannical they may be. To obey every wish, whim or fancy is imperative.

And grandchildren must be better than the best. Anything their own kids did, the grandkids must do better.

If this is why we bring children into the world, it is a sad statement of affairs. Children are a gift from the almighty, to enjoy as much as we can, to revel in them and to relearn from them our lost innocence. To teach them the best of our learning and to shelter them from the harsh and horrible realities. It is our duty to make the world a better place for them – devoid of conflict and demands. Let us have the courage to nurture their talents and encourage them towards positive effort – efforts to the best of their ability in whatever they do.

Every time one watches the abuse heaped on children in the name of duty, one wonders at the insistence on unquestioning love and loyalty being demanded as of right. Expecting adult children to report on each and every one of their movements and then questioning the decision. Questioning every decision they take including the brand of chocolate they might procure for their own children! Insisting that the kids do more for their in-laws than for them, when each day one is doing ten things for them and may be one in ten days for the in-laws. Expecting to be forgiven the unforgivable because it is so much easier to excuse one’s own faults and mistakes than to accept the same from another.

Reminding, time after time what sacrifices they have made for you. Did we ask it of them? For everything they have done, demanding that it be returned many times over. Heaping abuse when a dutiful child makes an unpalatable choice… and then cry ones heart out when he is in trouble, in pain.